On page 179 of the article, Corr (2016) describes the importance of exploring cultural differences in attitudes towards death. Watch this brief video of Tibetan monk Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche talking about death and dying:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NEkylHSebg
Now consider your own cultural background, and take part in the discussion below.
1. How often do you talk about about death and dying with friends or family members?
2. What aspects of death and dying do you discuss, and in what ways?
In my culture, death and dying are not commonly talked about as a part of everyday life. It can be mentioned during heated arguments as an expression of cursing someone with bad luck. But it was once formally discussed within my family in need of a will to plan ahead.
I very rarely talk about death and dying. I'm not sure why. I have had a great uncle who I grew up visiting regularly pass away however the children did not attend the funeral. I am aware that my mother's parents have both passed, her father before I was born, as well as her brother before I was born. We don't really talk about it and the first time I visited their grave was when I was in Korea April this year and it was very spiritual and I felt connected to them (first time seeing a photo of my uncle). I talk about the inevitable death of my pets with my friends, but more a passing comment that it is a part of life. I talk to my partner about death the most as he has experienced a lot as he is from a family where his grandpa has 10 siblings who are older. Personally, I have not felt loss or grief due to death, and I wonder if it is because I haven't viscerally experienced it or if I have an openness to the idea that death is more honouring and celebrating life
1. I talk often as I have lost my parents and some close family members.
2. The way they died, things we could do for them, good times we spent.
Mostly with my children as they openly voice their fears. I remember the day my son realised that life is finite, he was very upset. We often have discussions how life would change if we were immortal, if that would be desirable or not, also about our ideas what might come after...
With my husband mainly around logistics (will, life support, funeral preferences...)
With my parents hardly ever although they are approaching their 80s. We speak more about gratitude for the long and healthy life they are living.
On and off with no real pattern. The kids are constantly seeing death and dying in movies and programs they watch as a significant amount of kids programs or movies have a parent who has died or is dying. So from that aspect we talk about death and dying and their fear of loosing us. We talk a lot about being healthy to live longer and we make a real effort to be fit and healthy. As a family with my husband and 2 kids we talk a lot about making the most of the time we have because you might have to face death before you grow old, enjoying life, loving, living, laughing, becoming a person you are proud of, what qualities make you happy, experiencing a wide range of what life has to offer, stepping out into life's adventure. No regrets. We talk a lot about a range of different religious beliefs and what they believe when you die, our kids find that fascinating.
Both my husband's parent's have died and we have been there through that, so we have talked about that lot. My parents are in their 80's but we don't seem to talk about it that much, they don't seem very comfortable talking much about it, but we talk their wishes once they are dead.
Often, and openingly, I have always been one to ask confronting questions of the people around me, what does it mean to you, what would you want to happen before and after you die, at your funeral? I even have a spotify playlist of possible funeral songs.
1. How often do you talk about death and dying with friends or family members?
Not enough and not as much as we should.
2. What aspects of death and dying do you discuss, and in what ways?
My parents and I talk about how they want their last years and days spent as well as post-death wishes. My partner and I have briefly, every now and then, spoken about how we wish to transition but nothing to in-depth
1. I often bring it up, especially since my grandparents are getting older. My pop is dying, and I often talk to him about transitioning. He's now experiencing going over to the other side and seeing his body, but not being in it. Through me talking about it to him, he now believes that there is something more, and it is ready to pass over. My other poppa is very scared of dying and I often talk to him about what it's like and it's going to be ok, he doesn't listen to me though. My grandma used to think we just die. Through readings I have had, messages have come through from relatives that have made her think otherwise and that has given her a different frame of mind on dying.
2. I discuss what they want to do with their body so I know and can advocate on their wishes, I discuss what they believe happens when they pass and if they have a will and we have some family members in bad situations and I have talked about protecting their inheritance.
It comes up sometimes during family conversation as related content to the main topic. It is very hard not to talk about, and personally I believe it is ok to bring up in family conversation as part of building a plan for the future.
1. How often do you talk about about death and dying with friends or family members?
The most time death comes up as a topic discussion is with my young son. And it worries him that his mum and dad might not be there one day. It comes up at the moment once every six weeks. Other than that I don't discuss death or dying with people because it often makes them uncomfortable.
2. What aspects of death and dying do you discuss, and in what ways?
We talk about the mechanics of what dying means. How bodies wear out, how the electricity doesn't run and our brains. We talk about the memories that people leave behind that someone's body is no longer working and we can't visit them anymore, it doesn't stop us from remembering them or thinking of them. That it's okay to miss people. That it's okay to worry. That we are here now and death is a long way off.
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1. How often do you talk about about death and dying with friends or family members? Quite frequently, possibly weekly
2. What aspects of death and dying do you discuss, and in what ways? Growing up, we often spoke about death as a family, and would visit our local cemetery to visit long lost relatives. When I speak with my mum or sister, we will often talk about who is unwell or dying, or remembering those that have passed. It's how we grew up and was a part of life. I think it's important to remember those before us and talk about what amazing, adventurous, strong, crazy ...etc... people they were.
Recently I lost my grandfather, and he was the pillar of our family, ever since then death has become a common conversation because we don't realise the depth of death until we lose someone close to us. The conversation of death brings a lot of realisations for one and the importance people play in our life.
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These days, death has become a pretty common topic among my friends and family. So many of our parents have passed, or are in their final stages of life. Talking about it openly seems to take away some of the fear. I don’t really have a fear of dying myself—I feel quite calm about it. Maybe that’s because I imagine I’ll be the first to go in my immediate family. The thought of losing my husband or children, though—that’s something I can’t even wrap my head around. That would be a whole new kind of lesson, and one I hope I never have to face.
Most of the time, our conversations are pretty practical—making sure everything’s sorted, wills in place, legal stuff done, and funeral wishes clear. I’ve only ever had one really deep talk about death, and that was with my mum near the end of her illness. It was both heartbreaking and strangely empowering. In the end, it made saying goodbye and grieving for her a little easier.
I only talk about death and dying when someone is very sick and dying. I guess the aspects I focus on are spiritual aspects such as life after death, reincarnation and also the actual transition from life to death and making peace/surrendering that may happen in that transition.
1. How often do you talk about about death and dying with friends or family members?
Prior to my mum's passing our family didn't acknowledge death very much however now it's much more prevalent.
2. What aspects of death and dying do you discuss, and in what ways?
Plans, the beauty of life, the fact that we have limited time and you never know when someone will go so making sure you say what needs saying and do what needs doing
we talk about death often, mostly about what they want to happen after they die
I guess death and dying is discussed more often when someone close to us has died or is sick. I guess sometimes with my friends I talk about my worries around what would happen with Barnie if something happened to me, how I would or would not want her to live with, and how to keep my memory alive for her.
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